e-Tattling @ Work

Have you found yourself involved in an e-tattling situation? E-tattling occurs when one coworker emails another coworker with a request. When that request is not responded to quickly enough, is declined, or is not what they prefer, the e-tattling begins.

The requester follows up with a second request that is demanding, sometimes hostile, or accusatory. But that’s not all… They also Cc a supervisor, manager, or any number of other coworkers to expose your lack of response, thinking they will step in and force you, the recipient, to comply with their request.

Or they share their emails with uninvolved parties at work. This is an e-tattler.

The e-tattler thinks that e-tattling—informing management, shaming, or embarrassing those involved— will help them get their way or sway others who disagree with them. Little do they know that this approach backfires most of the time.

Adults Do Not Behave This Way

These tactics rarely work. An approach like this strains relationships even further and reflects the e-tattler’s immaturity. It exposes the e-tattler as not a team player, possibly petty or even a bully.

What e-tattlers do not consider is that a reply may not be forthcoming, especially if this tactic is premature, because the other party may be unavailable, out ill, out of the office, or otherwise for a legitimate reason. When an e-tattler jumps the gun without these considerations, more time is left for their commentary to marinate and sink in until an explanation is received.

Imagine using the e-tattler approach only to discover that you didn’t receive a response because of a death in the family. Or because you were upset, you misunderstood the response you did receive and e-tattled before asking for clarification. Not a good impression, right?

So, how do you handle e-tattling at work?

e-Tattlers Beware

Anyone who resorts to e-tattling reveals their lack of sincerity and professionalism. In the workplace, teamwork and communication are key. Earning the reputation of an e-tattler can negatively impact a career.

If you are on the receiving end of this type of behavior, you have no choice but to take the high ground. Know that the other person will most likely end up looking petty in the process.

A good guideline is not to add more contacts after a conversation is underway if you cannot handle a difference of opinion, a lack of response, or anything else that upsets you. Walk away.

Better yet, pick up the phone to find out if “everything is okay” before you assume why you are not getting the response you desire and, therefore, turn into an e-tattler.

About Personal e-tattling: Sharing confidences or emails meant for your eyes only with others disrespects the trust you’ve been given, and that isn’t cool either.

Set an Example

You do not want to stoop to their level by responding in kind to an exasperated or demanding follow-up. Leave them “out there” and let others reach their own conclusions about whether they behaved adequately.

Meet with the e-tattler in person. Schedule an in-person meeting or phone call with those involved. You want to resolve the issue professionally and demonstrate your ability to work as part of a team regardless of the other side’s reactions.

What do you do if you are contacted about the situation by any of the Cc’d contacts? Share your side calmly and unemotionally in an email with that one contact. No personal digs at the e-tattler — stick to the facts. Do not use “reply all.”

Are you an e-tattler?

Shame on you! It is understandable to feel frustrated when someone doesn’t respond the way you would like. But Cc’ing managers, supervisors, or coworkers for no reason other than to tattle is unacceptable in the workforce. You’ve just exposed that you are unable to work through things as a team player.

When you do not get the desired response, pick up the phone or meet personally with the individual involved to try to resolve the issue. To begin, Cc’ing (or worse yet, BCc’ing) others with your comments or accusations will do nothing but expose your inability to communicate professionally.

Communication skills are critical to a successful career. I have an entire site that covers email etiquette for business communications, which you can bookmark and review as needed: BusinessEmailEtiquette.com.