Email: Men vs. Women?
Is there a difference between men and women when it comes to using email to communicate? An email came in from a site visitor asking:
This is not the first time I have been asked about email style and the sexes. In fact, it does pop up on a pretty regular basis.
A Topic from the Past…
Decades ago, I was on Fox News discussing Email Etiquette. It was a fun but weird experience because I was asked to be on because of my Email Etiquette websites, but mainly to comment on another email etiquette expert’s book.
One of the questions I was asked to comment on was about the differences between men and women when it came to email. The question was posed in regard to “a new book that was out” that stated that men were more cryptic while women preferred pleasantries in email.
I think that may also apply to offline communications, right?
The book they asked me to comment on was never identified, but I found the question odd because — men will be men and women will be women. We have different communication styles. Men and women communicate differently offline and in all modes of communication.
This unnamed book seemed to discuss this topic because we needed to understand the communication nuances in email habits between genders. If you think about it, hasn’t communication been something men and women have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time?
Communication is Communication
Email is no different than other modes. Then you add each person’s variables, such as personality, education, and work ethic, and there will be differences in communication styles, regardless of gender.
Even though we are living in a time when we have this urge to identify everything with a label or by gender, Email Etiquette is not gender-specific. Not once have I thought of the intent or tone in an email being different based on the gender of someone I was emailing or replying to.
I take the sender at their word. I look at the words they choose, how they use them, and how they type them.
Is one sex more apt to not make the appropriate efforts? Is one sex more misunderstood due to a lack of email skills than the other? Not in my experience.
Communication Styles Do Differ
Everyone has a unique style, some more so than others, in how they choose to communicate, and that’s okay.
Regardless of the “whys” when it comes to how men and women communicate, the basics of email etiquette apply. If you are cryptic, it is because you are not a clear communicator—or worse, rude. If you prefer pleasantries, that is a style choice.
Are email courtesies gender-specific? Proper sentence structure, greetings, and courteous closings are staples regardless of gender.
The basic use of your spell checker has nothing to do with whether you are male or female. Email Etiquette applies and doesn’t change if you wear a dress or a tie.
In my experience…
I’ve been emailing longer than most—over a quarter of a century, to be precise. In all these years, I’ve worked with men who communicate succinctly and with great thought—the epitome of email etiquette with a dash of personality, too.
In some cases, more so than some of the women I communicate with. So my personal experience over decades of emails blows the implied gender difference right out of the water.
Yes, some online users may believe that their gender allows them to communicate differently based on gender alone. But that is a misconception. This is a choice someone makes to justify not communicating as an educated, courteous adult.
Communication Skills Matter
It would behoove all emailers, regardless of gender, to ensure their email etiquette skills are honed. How you communicate with the written word will have more far-reaching implications than you can imagine.
We must continue to work on the skill of communicating clearly and kindly, particularly as more people work remotely. These skills will be crucial to your workflow.
Never underestimate the power of email in your professional communications and how that will enhance your career. If everything is equal, the clear and courteous communicator will rule the day.
In closing, email etiquette applies to all users and is not gender-specific. Hone your skills so you can use email as the valuable communication tool that it is.
