How to Handle Email Arguments
Email “Gunfights”
Gunfights usually end when only one person is left standing.
Unfortunately, it seems this also applies to email gunfights. You know what I am talking about.
Email differences of opinion or misunderstandings lead to an ongoing back-and-forth that escalates in emotion and nastiness each time the Reply button is hit.
Much of this type of interaction depends on the personalities involved. I’ve found that the negative traits of always having to be right or getting the last word tend to prevail in the messiest of gunfights.
Who hasn’t found themselves at one time or another surprisingly involved in an email gunfight where it seems as though common sense or courtesy will not prevail? I had one a couple of weeks ago.
The person did not like what I was relaying, and despite my professional, detailed response, it escalated quickly. To the point, it was clear this person was unhinged.
So what is the best way to handle this situation?
Take Time to Chill
When you find yourself at the beginning of a gunfight — wait until the next day to reply — if at all. Hopefully, you are not one with a narcissistic personality that commands you to make your point and be the one with the last word. Or responds instantly without giving a calm and cool reply.
Rarely is there anything positive to gain by pounding out an instant reply. When emotions are involved, things tend to go off the rails pretty fast.
If I find myself communicating with such personalities, initially, I “kill” them with kindness. If the gunslinger on the other side has to come back with more vitriol or nonsense to get the last word, I step back.
Then I let their last nasty, inconsiderate communication hang “out there” without my reply.
Diffuse By Not Responding
Some know they will get you riled up and can’t wait for your reply, so don’t. By not doing so, you just ended their temper tantrum, whether they like it or not. Sometimes, no response is more potent than any words you can type.
My ego is not wrapped up in proving I am right to those without an open mind, or who ignore information right in front of them. Nor do I have the innate need to be the one with the last word, so I have some sort of feeling of accomplishment.
When you find yourself in a gunfight with a “last worder,” always take the higher ground and walk away. Realize there are good guys and bad guys in every gunfight.
Choose to be the guy wearing the white hat. And ride off into the sunset. That leaves the door open for potential clarification and, hopefully, ongoing civil communication down the road.
