Why Don’t People Reply to Emails?

This is a topic I get asked about—a lot.

The natural inclination is to think, “They don’t want to hear from me” or “They are ignoring me.” But not knowing the backstory can make a difference.

Are we talking about never replying when there is or was an established close relationship? Is this a new development or an ongoing pattern? Without those details, it is hard for me to nail down the reason. Even then, personal relationships are hard for outsiders to comment on.

The Backstory Matters

In my experience, once I am informed of all the details, two things come to the surface:

That said, I run into these situations as well. While personal emails are not “mission-critical” stuff, when you ignore an email from someone you know, in essence, it lets them know that they are not a priority to you.

Being a prompt responder to most of the emails I receive, a lack of reply reflects more on them than on me. If I am not a priority, so be it, and I’ll move forward accordingly.

Narcissism Prevails

We live in a me, me, me – busy, busy, busy world. “Busy” is subjective and reflects our priorities, right?

Our society is really self-centered, and to be frank, one of the reasons this Email Etiquette site exists. However, one thing is clear: you shouldn’t expect others to behave as you think they should—they are not you.

I regularly step back and think “outside of Judith” when I run into others who don’t think as I do. Before I assume, I always try to consider their motives, or lack thereof.

When contacts are habitual non-repliers, that reflects a lack of courtesy, respect, and organization. The reality is that when something is important enough to you, you take the time to get it done. If they don’t, take a hint.

It’s Really Not About You

You wonder if they are ignoring you. Suppose you know for a fact they received your email; then that is probably true. Or could it be that the email is about a sticky topic anyone would be uncomfortable with? Would a phone call work better?

I have several contacts who do not reply when my response is not what they want. Worse, if I disagree with an incorrect assumption. Crickets.

I know they received my email. I know they have responded promptly when they like what I have to say. But when they don’t like my recommendations—no reply. So they are, in essence, disregarding my email—that’s their choice.

And guess what? I don’t take it personally. Again, their lack of reply reflects more on them than on me.

But when it comes to personal relationships — relationships that need to build trust — a lack of replies does not help to solidify that relationship. In that case, you really need to consider if maintaining that friendship is worth your time and energy.

I don’t let others’ lack of courtesy allow me to respond in kind. Rather, I make note and spend my time prioritizing those who appreciate mine. You should do the same.