Do you demand lightning-fast email replies?

One of the complaints I hear about @ NetM@nners is response time. In this post, we’re explicitly talking about personal emails between family, friends, and wannabe friends.

Onliners constantly email me asking why they aren’t getting a response. Or why don’t folks take the time to respond in a reasonable timeframe? I get that we want responses, but there is this thing called life, where folks are on their devices 24/7. Or, like me, I don’t and won’t have email on my phone.

Many believe that email is instantaneous, so they assume it should be replied to immediately. Once sent, the other side should stop immediately and email you back. The reality is that it’s not always possible.

“But they would receive a notice on their phone!” Well, believe it or not, as I noted, not everyone has their email on their phone. I leave that for my desktop. Nothing is so important that I need email on my phone. And if there is an emergency with a family member or friend, they can call me.

Many tend to take a lack of a fast response personally. When, actually, it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. More to do with the other side’s schedule. The fact is, we don’t know anyone else’s schedule or availability. Or if they can meet our expectations.

Put Your Expectations in Check

To expect an immediate response is probably unrealistic. Follow-up is typically not the best approach when a reply is not received lickety-split. Sending a follow-up email (and, in some cases, another) within 30-60 minutes of the first can be perceived as demanding or pushy. Or worse, that you are digitally stalking the recipient.

Especially considering that, in many cases, these follow-ups tend to raise the tone with increased use of questions and exclamation marks. Yes, in a perfect world, everyone should do their best to respond to their emails promptly. However, the sender should also realize that the other side may be busy or occupied.

Sometimes folks have crazy schedules. They have other responsibilities and activities that require their full attention. They may be out of the office, on vacation—offline, having a life.

Just Ask

One way to help get a response is to simply ask for one. Explain why you need to hear from them quickly, or note the desired timeframe. Most folks will do their best to accommodate your request. Just don’t cry wolf.

The courteous approach is to give those you email time to respond. As a rule of thumb, there is no need to send a follow-up within 24 hours of sending your first message. If you can’t wait 24 hours, email is unlikely to be appropriate for your request.

If a matter is that important or urgent, pick up the phone and give the other side a jingle.

The Downside

Two negatives could prevent you from getting the response you desire. Sending spammy emails could cause them to end up in the trash folder or be rejected. If you aren’t being spammy, then we have to be honest about why we may not get a response. Maybe your request isn’t as important to the recipient as you would like.

Being realistic and understanding that, in some cases, folks simply don’t want to respond. For example, someone you have a sour relationship with. Or an individual you are trying to reach out to who is not interested in encouraging a relationship, whether virtual or in person.

Your gut knows if that is the case. In these situations, it’s best for you to back off and allow time to take its course between communications. If a response is meant to be, you’ll get one eventually. If not, take a hint and communicate with those open to your messages.