Are You an Email Narcissist (or do you know one)?
What is a Narcissist?
A narcissist can be described as being self-centered, smug, and egotistic. From Dictionary.com:
So, based on the above, one can easily surmise what email narcissism is, right? And, if you look at some of the issues that cause you to pause at others who email you, it is usually because they are only thinking of themselves.
Or are you the narcissist?
It is common for site visitors to share some of the emails they have received with me for my opinion or input, including argumentative threads. On occasion, I can’t help but shake my head.
In one case, the recipient tried to take the high road. The sender was downright accusatory and sent nasty emails. They tried to explain their point of view, as an adult, void of emotion or counter-accusations.
The sender was so focused on scolding that they were not “listening” to the other side’s explanation. They were clearly a little narcissistic.
Another case was clearly due to a misunderstanding and overuse of formatting. Subsequent emails stated, “I didn’t mean how you are taking this!”
We’ve discussed that excuse before. “I didn’t mean…” is not a valid excuse. Narcissism once again.
Lack of clarity highlights the potential for misunderstandings. Adding clarity would have only taken another sentence or two to avoid a misunderstanding.
Don’t be a narcissist.
Not Considering the Other Side’s Perception
The nasty emails I receive mostly come from those who reject the idea of thinking of others when communicating. Even stating that they “have the right not to be clear.” Okay.
I feel sorry for online users who think that way. Yes, you have the right not to communicate as an adult with courtesy and understanding. Freedom of speech and all!
I agree — you do have the freedom to do or not do whatever you like. But understand that with those choices, you must accept the repercussions.
Regarding your email communications, it would behoove you to think beyond yourself and your immediate goals. Instead, think about how the other side will view your words and actions (or lack thereof).
Read your emails out loud and make darn sure your intent—and tone—are clear. That’s on you.
Take a Breath and Take Your Time
Ignoring emails or sending quick, blunt replies can leave incorrect or undesirable impressions. Then, because you are in a hurry, you assume what someone meant instead of asking. Well, you know what happens when you assume.
This is interactive technology. It isn’t a one-sided deal. Every email you send will be opened (you hope) and viewed by another human being on the other side.
In a civilized and educated society, common courtesy dictates that we consider how our actions will be perceived and how they will impact others. It’s just what good people do.
Not choosing your words carefully, not taking the time to include a greeting and closing, exposing others’ addresses, and typing cryptic thoughts instead of correctly spelled, structured sentences indicate that the sender is only thinking of themselves.
Ironically, email narcissism doesn’t have to exist at all. It takes only a moment and a little effort for everyone to stop and consider the other side when we are creating and responding to emails.
Are you in?
