Are Your Emails Tone Deaf?

Did you know there is a tone to every email you send? Whether you realize it or not, the other side assumes your tone based on your chosen words, how you use them, how you format them, and your punctuation choices.

It seems that quite a few folks neglect to consider the tone of their emails. What then happens is misunderstandings galore. That is because the recipient focuses on the tone rather than the message.

Intent and Tone are Personal

When you bold words, they reflect more emphasis. By doing so, you leave that level of emphasis up to the person on the other side and the type of relationship you have with them.

That’s pretty risky and certainly not a hallmark of clear communication. By doing so, you could think you are being clear, but you risk making a negative impression.

Then, if you go one step further and turn that very text red, you are informing the recipient that you want to make sure not only is that particular text not overlooked, but that it is very, very important—or urgent—or that you are mad.

Which is it?

You are leaving that up to the other side to determine.

Use Vocabulary Over Emotional Formatting

Bold and red text makes an emotional statement. With that statement, there is, without a doubt, a particular tone oozing out of your email, whether you mean to or not.

For example, your mother will perceive the same bold, red text in an email differently than the same bold, red text in an email to a new acquaintance who may not know your personality or sense of humor.

Your perceived tone will differ based on how well someone knows you.

If you are typing about an emotional subject, it is wise to wait until you can do so in a less emotional state. For example, if you’ve enjoyed adult beverages, walk away from the computer and don’t send a single email until the next day. Good or bad. 😉

You’ll thank yourself later if you give yourself a brief waiting period instead of typing an emotional response and sending it. And even the next day, take a deep breath before clicking Send to make sure your message is on point.

Only One Punctuation is Needed

One of the most dangerous tone “increases” is the overuse of punctuation. Why the heck do people use more than one exclamation point!!!!!!!! Don’t they understand that one question mark is enough?????

Communicating in this way tends to come off as demanding and condescending. Just one exclamation point or question mark is sufficient.

How to Avoid Misunderstandings

When you are unsure whether your email conveys the intended tone and emotional strength you want to portray, take a moment to read it aloud. Read it as though you are reading it to the person you are sending it to.

You will most likely be surprised by how your email “sounds” when read aloud. So use that opportunity to tweak your email to reflect what you want to get across.

Also ask yourself: “Would I say this to this person in this way if we were face to face?” If you wouldn’t, then don’t hit send. Email is not a tool to say things you don’t have the guts to say in person. Nor is it an excuse to hide behind this screen.

By keeping the above in mind, you’ll have fewer regrets and be perceived as a more sincere, open, and honest communicator. And that’s how you build and nurture relationships via email.