Emotional Emails & Jumping to Conclusions
Now more than ever, folks are stressed. Many have a shorter fuse, and emotions are running high. Because of this, you want to avoid making impulsive decisions when you are emailing about emotional topics.
Before you hit that Reply button and start typing a cryptic emotional response you may later regret, take a breath. Or two. Stop, sit back, and carefully reread the entire email you are responding to.
Only then can you fully understand that email’s overall intent. This approach is better than reacting to isolated statements out of context, as jumping to conclusions seldom works well. You want to view the email in its entirety first.
Read the Email Out Loud
Before responding to an upsetting email, take the time to read it out loud. When you read and hear the full email word for word, your perception may change. Do the same with your reply.
Another good rule of thumb is to wait until the following day before deciding whether to respond at all. Avoid sending responses in the heat of the moment—you may regret it.
You want to gather your thoughts and ensure your response makes sense. If you have to vent, create your answer and save it as a draft to review (and edit) later. It never hurts to give yourself time to cool off.
And believe me, you will edit it later.
If you react emotionally to one part of an email without looking at the message as a whole, you can often take the sender’s meaning out of context. The last thing you want to do is send a reply filled with accusations and extra formatting, reflecting your emotional state at the time, in response to one out-of-context comment.
It is common to incorrectly assume the other side’s meaning and intent when upset. So when you find yourself in this situation, do yourself a favor and wait until cooler heads prevail.
This approach will help you ensure you don’t read anything into the email that isn’t there. I know, easier said than done. With that said, we don’t want to jump to conclusions about comments that weren’t specific or twist those that were, right?
What they meant was…
I see this happen every day. “I thought that they meant…” due to the recipient reading between the lines.
In these cases, one party read more into the typed words than was there (or didn’t take the time to read the email in its entirety). This is where relationship dynamics and assumptions can lead to misunderstandings that are blown out of proportion.
Or, worse yet, one chooses to imply intent regardless of the words typed by not taking what an email says verbatim. Taking comments personally is a choice. A choice you make that may not match the sender’s intent.
Take Words at Face Value
Take the sender’s words at face value (good or bad). Do your best not to assume anything that isn’t there. If you are unsure, ask before you react.
Making an effort to ask the sender for clarification can help avoid many misunderstandings. However, when you do, you want to ask point-blank if what you perceive based on their wording is what they meant. Don’t compound ambiguity with more of the same.
Even if they return with a resounding “Yes,” that clarification confirms you were correct. On the other hand, you’ll be glad you asked before flying off the handle if it turns out you were jumping to conclusions.
Remember, email does not replace all forms of communication. Maybe consider picking up the phone before reacting?
I’m sure you’ll agree it is worth the extra effort, especially when you can avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings by asking rather than assuming.
