Are Email Forwards Worth Ending a Friendship?
What is a “friend”?
I think that term has been diluted due to social media. A “friend” is not someone who clicks a button and follows you. Nor does clicking the “Like” button mean they are a true friend you can count on.
Genuine friendship comes with responsibilities. Like showing true concern for the other person, being there when they need you, and them being there when you need them.
With that in mind… A site visitor is curious and ponders:
What is a “friend”?
Here is the situation with a “friend” of mine… We sent each other Christmas cards, no phone calls or visits. My friend recently sent me an email on to my private e-addy saying she thought of me often, wondered how I was doing, and was sending the email to tell me she thought of me fondly. She signed off with “LYLAS”…initials meaning “love you like a sister”.
Assuming she is wondering if I am reading her emails, she sent me many more “forwarded” chain letters to my e-addy that is not private. I did not respond…and wouldn’t have anyway because they had no personal note attached.
While her recent email was not a forwarded note and was very kind, it is still a reminder to me that she doesn’t think I deserve a phone call or real-time conversation. At this point, since all I get are forwards with no personal comments, she will get no response from me. I will only answer to a telephone call… What do you think of this approach?
Real Friends Make Real Efforts
I understand your frustration and point of view. I also do not respond to forwards without a personal note. I don’t even take the time to read forwards of that nature.
I do not perceive these emails from “friends” as thoughtful or even about me. Instead, it’s all about them.
That said, you must decide how important this friendship is to you. Do you make the first move, or is your ego preventing you from doing so?
Or is there more history that I don’t know about? Not knowing the full history of the relationship makes it difficult for me to tell you what to do. So I’ll play devil’s advocate.
With email, it is common for incorrect perceptions to arise and be amplified. Why not pick up the phone and ask her how she is and if everything is okay?
Regarding her recent note, it could be that she had the time, was thinking of you, and was sincerely genuine in the words she typed. Why wouldn’t you respond to that email where she is reaching out?
Do you want that friendship – or not really?
The reality is that when folks forward emails to you, they do feel they are thinking of you by including you in their mailing. Both you and I agree that if she were thinking of you, she would take a few extra moments to type a personal note.
However, in my experience, the vast majority believe the same can be accomplished incorrectly by simply adding their address to their list. If they weren’t thinking of you, they wouldn’t include you.
I’m not making excuses for your friend. Many do not realize that what they think is thoughtful behavior is, in fact, laziness with a dash of narcissism. But at the end of the day, if the relationship is important to you, I wouldn’t let a rash of forwards without personal notes be the cause of ending your friendship.
