How do I know if I'm being blown off?

How to handle being blown off by an email contact.

How much time should go by before you assume you’ve been “blown off” by an email contact? The next question is when (or if) you should send another message. Next, how many follow-up messages are too much?

That depends on the contact and the situation.

I have to remind myself that some online users do not check email every day or all day, as I do. I’ve had folks reply a week later. Knowing your contacts’ general habits can help determine if they are blowing you off.

When it comes to new contacts you don’t have as much experience with, that’s where you do not want to assume. You don’t know enough to interpret their lack of response.

Are you really being blown off?

Here are your choices:

You follow up to ensure the email was received and didn’t land in spam.
You follow up to ensure everything’s okay because (insert reason here).
You just wait for a response and do not follow up.

When you follow up for a response with people you don’t know very well, you should be courteous while mentioning your name and mention that it works well:

“You okay? Didn’t hear back and just wanted to check in.”

“Wanted to double-check that my email didn’t land in your spam folder.”

“Hope to hear from you so we can make plans.”

Of course, use a proper greeting and closing.

So the speed of response, while we would appreciate a prompt response, may not be possible within our time frame in the real world. Yes, responding promptly is the courteous thing to do. But that’s not always possible for a whole slew of reasons.

Response time will differ from person to person. There is no hard-and-fast rule time-wise.

Response Time in the Past

If a person usually responds right away and you haven’t heard from them, follow up in a day or two. Send a simple follow-up asking if everything is okay. Let them know you are concerned about not hearing back and are checking whether they received your email.

Still haven’t heard back? Again, the relationship with the person you are emailing would dictate the level of concern and your next move. For example, if it’s your Mom and you know she would have been online by now, pick up the phone and see if she’s okay.

However, if you email someone you met on a dating site and they aren’t responding—well, take a hint. If you know that your contact is always online, they are most likely making a point by not responding.

Are you the slow responder?

For slow responders, taking the time to offer a prompt response is a common courtesy. Email has been mainstream for decades. Because of this, a fast reply via email is expected. When thinking about email, it comes to mind as quick responses.

However, in our narcissistic culture, many times, both sides are only thinking of themselves. First, the Sender wants a response—now, the Recipient is doing what they wish, not responding to emails as quickly as others would like.

Here’s an opportunity to build relationships by using email positively to encourage and grow them. That is why putting effort into writing eloquently and straightforwardly is valuable.

Set Expectations

If you find contacts are impatient with your response time, let them know you aren’t online as much as they are. Set expectations. Share that you are not intentionally ignoring them or “blowing them off,” and that you will do your best to respond when you can.

For example, since I am online during the day on weekdays, I don’t email on weekends, not for business reasons and rarely for personal ones. Therefore, I communicate that to contacts so they know not to expect a response on the weekends.

That’s why they call it communication. So use your email to communicate your expectations and manage what others can expect from you.