Email and Emotions: Tips to Avoid Misunderstandings

Don't make assumptions when it comes to emotional emails.

Misunderstandings abound in email. I’ve done that myself. Has this happened to you? You read an email to find the sender, which either seems to be a bit demanding, insulting, or terse.

Or how about this one? They neglected to read your previous email and make claims they otherwise probably wouldn’t have — if they had read it. Email is ripe for misunderstandings.

Jumping to Conclusions?

It could be you’ve jumped to conclusions. Or it could be that one side did not take the time to ensure their message and intent were clear. This opens the door to reading into the email things that are not there.

This is where relationships and assumptions come into play. I’ve typed about this before – a lot. You could type the same sarcastic message to a handful of people, and each will perceive your intent and tone differently because of the contrast in the type of relationships you have with each person and how well they know you.

Before Reacting…

That is why it is always so crucial if you get an email that upsets you to:

First, take words at their face value and do not assume anything.
Second, if you are unsure of the intent or the tone relayed, ask for clarification before you spend the energy being upset and snapping back with an emotional response. (Better yet, make a phone call for clarification before reacting off-the-cuff.)
Then, take a deep breath. Or two or three — as many as necessary. If you are sure the other side is purposefully trying to upset you or be rude, wait until the next day, if at all, to reply. Many times, harsh and malicious emailers do not deserve a response. Just leave those who can only communicate by being nasty, wallowing, and waiting for your response, which will never come.

The best rule of thumb is to take time to cool off. Typing out an emotional reply rarely solves anything. You may be surprised at your different point of view when you review the email the next day to decide whether a response is even necessary.

Tips to Avoid Email Misunderstandings

Taking emotional emails out of context can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships, so it’s essential to approach these messages with care and sensitivity. Here are some tips to help you avoid misinterpreting emotional emails:

Read Carefully: Take your time to read the email thoroughly and attentively. Avoid skimming, as this can cause you to miss important details or nuances.
Consider the Sender’s Perspective: Try to put yourself in the sender’s shoes. Consider their emotions, intentions, and potential reasons behind their tone or language.
Seek Clarity: If something in the email is unclear or ambiguous, ask for clarification rather than making assumptions. Phrases like “I want to make sure I understand correctly…” can be helpful.
Mind Your Own Emotions: Be aware of your emotions and their influence on your interpretation. If you’re already in a hostile or defensive state of mind, you may be more likely to read the email negatively.
Look for Context: Check the email thread for any previous messages or conversations that may provide context. Understanding the history of the communication can be valuable.
Separate Facts from Emotions: Differentiate between the facts presented in the email and the emotional content. Sometimes, the emotion expressed is separate from the actual message.
Assume Good Intentions: Give the sender the benefit of the doubt. Assume that they have good intentions and that any emotional tone results from their emotional state rather than an attack on you.
Use Emoticons and Emojis: Emoticons and emojis can help convey emotions and tone. However, use them judiciously and consider the appropriateness of their use in the context of your professional or personal relationship.
Avoid a Knee-Jerk Response: If you react emotionally to the email, refrain from immediately responding. Take a step back, compose your thoughts, and respond when you’re in a calmer state of mind.
Pick Up the Phone or Have a Face-to-Face Conversation: If the email’s emotional tone is causing confusion or tension, consider moving the conversation to a phone call or in-person discussion. This can help clear up misunderstandings more effectively.
Reflect Before Reacting: Before responding, reflect on the email and your interpretation of it. Consider whether your emotional reaction is warranted or based on a misinterpretation.
Use Disclaimers: If you’re concerned that your email might be misconstrued, consider using disclaimers like “I want to clarify that I’m saying this with a positive intention” to set the tone.
Seek a Third Party’s Perspective: If unsure about your interpretation, share the email with a trusted colleague, friend, or mentor to get their input.
Learn from Experience: Pay attention to the patterns in your interactions with the sender over time. Understanding their typical communication style can help you interpret their emails more accurately.

Don’t Rely on Perception Alone

The cause of many misunderstandings is one side not considering the repercussions of their chosen words and how they decided to write them (formatting, bolding, red text, caps, etc.). However, sometimes, you’ll find your perception changes by simply reading an email out loud. So give that a try before flying off the handle.

Remember that effective communication is a two-way street. Encourage open and honest communication, and be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. These tips should help you avoid taking emotional emails out of context and foster better understanding in your written communications.