Email Perception: I’m Being Ignored! (You are, and it’s on purpose!)

Similar emails like the one below come in regularly…

It’s possible that your emails are being directed to their junk or spam folder. So let’s first check if your emails are getting through. Run your email address through MXTool’s Email Health Checker. If no problems are indicated, read on.

The short answer?

Move on to someone who treats you with respect and thinks you are important enough to find the time to reply.

The long answer?

Everyone is “busy.” To me, that seems to be the go-to excuse. We are more selfish than ever, only worrying about our time and convenience. However, we all know that we make time for the things that are important to us. You may be further down their list of importance.

So, when I hear someone claim that they were so busy, as in the above visitor email, it tells me they didn’t consider my email a priority. What you sent was not worth their time — at that time.

I wrote about this before.

What is a real friend?

The word “friend” is often used without genuine meaning nowadays. For example, on Facebook, are all those people real friends? Probably not.

Friends are not someone you meet on social media or a new online contact — without any actual relationship. Nor is friendship someone with whom you have exchanged a few emails. However, I suppose each of us may have different ideas about the level of friendship any of our contacts or relationships are at during any given period.

The official definition is:

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Online “friends” are superficial relationships unless nurtured. Forming a bond takes time, shared experiences, effort, and trust.

With the advent of social media and “friending” and “Like” buttons everywhere, we have diluted the word’s true meaning. All the while, we assume that the above definition remains appropriate. It does not.

With a couple of emails here and there, or being part of the same online group, an increasing number of people are assuming a level of closeness that isn’t there because they adhere to the old definition of a friend.

True friends are not created by clicking a button, a heart, or a like icon. Enduring friendships are developed over time through communication, sharing, and thinking of another person. Real friends should be judged by their actions, not just their words.

Real friends respond to your emails promptly. They make it a priority because your friendship is a priority to them.

What isn’t a real friend?

By not taking the time to reply to those who email you, you will be perceived as ignoring them. And those who do this should admit that they are. You aren’t a high enough priority for them to take the time to respond. So why pretend otherwise?

If they sincerely care, they would then make an effort to reply promptly. At the very least, they could let you know they are not intentionally trying to be dismissive and take the time to move forward and clearly nurture your friendship.

For those who don’t reply to “friends” on a timely basis, if you don’t really care to make that effort, why not tell them the truth? You’ll respond when you can and do your best (because they are not your priority). Harsh, I know. But why lead them on?

You Deserve Better

For those who are ignored, maybe consider accepting at face value that you are not important enough to that person for them to take the time to reply. They may “like” you, but you aren’t a priority. If you were, they would find the time to respond.

Acknowledging that would at least make your expectations more realistic. You can then choose to spend time with those who appreciate having you as a true friend.