Living Up to Friends' Email & Text Expectations

Your friends email expectations explained.

Do your friends expect you to respond to their emails in seconds? Or how about those friends who want you to be always available for texts or chats? Do they think you have nothing better to do?

Then, when you explain why you didn’t respond or were unavailable to chat, hurt feelings come into play. They think you don’t care or that they are not important enough.

Underlying Emotions

I don’t understand why someone would have hurt feelings simply because the other side was busy. When that happens, there tends to be more history and emotions under the surface than a lack of a speedy reply.

What do we do about those contacts that impose expectations on their communications with us? I don’t think there is a one-off answer for that.

So much depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Is there a history? Is one person assuming more about the relationship than the other? Even the answers to these questions can be subjective.

Clearly, there needs to be more communication. Each side has the opportunity to set expectations.

What Both Sides Don’t Know

No one knows the other side’s situation—whether they’re the ones demanding speedy replies or the ones who are busy. You just don’t know.

So what we can do is be clear about our schedules and time constraints, with those who see you commenting on your availability, and time to be clear about setting expectations. If you feel uncomfortable doing so, it suggests you may have different priorities for that person than they assume.

For those who choose to be hurt by delayed responses, is it justified? Time for a conversation. That’s what friends do. If you care, it’s time to set the record straight to avoid future misunderstandings.

Let them know your availability and your general response time. Layout it out clearly and concisely.

Yes, sometimes, you are setting unwanted guideposts for a relationship by doing so. And that cannot be easy.

However, if you have a contact intimating that your lack of response is upsetting to them, it’s time to set things straight. Better to do this sooner than later.

Five Example Explainers You Can Use

Here are 5 casual, relatable example statements you can use to explain a delayed response to friends—keeping it light and honest to avoid awkwardness:

“Hey, sorry for the radio silence—my phone decided to play hide-and-seek in my bag all day, and by the time I found it, I was knee-deep in [insert funny distraction, like ‘a binge-watch marathon’]. What’s up?”
“Ugh, total fail on my end—got sucked into a work rabbit hole (or [insert real-life chaos, like ‘helping my dog escape a sock-eating spree’]) and completely lost track of time. How’s your week going?”
“Apologies for the delay! My notifications were on stealth mode because I was trying (and failing) to adult productively. Spill the tea—what’d I miss?”
“Whoops, that reply got buried under an avalanche of memes and group chats. Life’s been a whirlwind lately—catch me up on yours?”
“Sorry I’m late to the party—blame it on my brain’s excellent ability to prioritize naps over emails. Hope you’re good; what’s the latest drama?”

Courtesy = Prompt Replies

Regarding response time, basic Email Etiquette dictates that you respond promptly to incoming emails. However, in the real world, that isn’t always possible.

Nor does having an email address mean you are responsible for replying promptly to anyone who may choose to email or text you. There are those you don’t want to communicate with — and that is your choice.

For those you feel are over-demanding, your options are to ignore them or be clear and honest about the relationship status. If the other side feels the relationship warrants more attention than you will give, time for a talk.

With that said, there are times and situations in relationships where we may unintentionally make others feel ignored or put off. What we are talking about here are day-to-day communications that, in general, are neither urgent nor time-sensitive.

In that case, a quick apology and explanation will do—there is no need to go into further details than you are comfortable with.

Relationships Are About Understanding

Email and texting may be virtually instantaneous, but people are not. After all, this entire offline world is filled with responsibilities and activities that take folks away from their devices.

All too often, folks only think of themselves, not the person on the other side of the screen. So let them know, in a kind and gentle tone, that they are important but that you simply cannot always be available.

And if you are one of those who get hurt or upset whenever someone doesn’t respond as fast as you like, it’s nothing to be mad or upset about. Understanding what our friends’ lives entail, not just what we need at any moment, is also part of being a good friend, right?