“That is Not What I Meant” Doesn’t Cut it!

I received an e-mail the other day from a potential client that included several accusations and very demanding comments about how, if they chose to work with me, I would run my business. Clearly this person had some bad experiences in the past with others they chose to work with and got burned. That was now being passed on to me to compensate for.

What type of impression do you think the approach will have? Not a good one! Any consultant worth their salt would run in the opposite direction of any potential client that approached them in this manner.

I am in the envious position of choosing who I work with. Come at me like that and you can bet I’ll be too busy to consider your project. I do not read anything into e-mails sent to me, I take them at their face value based on the choice of words used.

There are those who try to beat me up over their bad experiences with other consultants. As in the case of this particular e-mail, even expecting me to lower my rate to compensate for money already spent (wasted) with others. I don’t take kindly to being blamed for things I’ve never done, what others have done or being told what I should charge because of others poor choices.

I answered each comment point by point — factually and unemotionally. Their response? No apology — “that’s not what I meant — I didn’t intent to hurt your feelings.” My “feelings” were not hurt nor did I say so. I simply stated I was disappointed that they felt the need to type to me, someone they did not know or had never worked with, in the manner that they did. Truth be told — I was insulted.

“It was not meant to be personal, so please do not take it that way.” When you question my ethics or integrity without any reason or past experience — it is personal — very personal!

This is typical of people who just type what they want to without taking a moment to review if their questions/challenges are apropos or even accurate. You can’t say “it was not meant” or that “didn’t mean to” if you typed it! And if you find you are misunderstood — do not hesitate to humbly apologize.

In this case, this potential client was playing “boss” with me. If they would have taken a moment to review my site(s), bio or information, they certainly would not have sent the e-mail they did. But then again, maybe this particular e-bully would have…

I was supposed to accept that they knew what they “meant” regardless of what they typed, and I should also know that by osmosis. Not me — I hold people accountable for what they type and how they type it.

The moral of the story? You are what you type; you are the words you choose to use. Know that what you type will be taken at it’s face value by the other side — that they will take you at your word(s).

If you want to form strong and trusted partnerships with friends, family or business associates, you don’t whip off accusatory e-mails because you are having a bad day or had a bad experience that had nothing to do with the person you are communicating with.

You take your time, you choose your words carefully so as to relay your concerns while you make darned sure that what you type is what you mean because that is exactly how it will be taken.

And, if you don’t want to make that effort, don’t be surprised when the response you receive is not what you desired — that is if you get one at all.

You may also be interested in:

• E-mail Tone is Critical!
• Jumping to Conclusions in E-mail…
• It Is All About the Details