A Little Courtesy Goes a Long Way

I was wacked with the cold of the century recently. It was one of the few times since I started my Technology Consulting business over 10 years ago that I did not at the very least check email on Saturday.

I didn’t go near my computer on that Saturday or Sunday, the reason being just to have to think seemed too much of a challenge - this cold kicked me in the butt! So, I spent the weekend on the couch with my new best friend — a box of tissues.

The reason I make a point of at least checking email on Saturdays is to keep my inbox clear and to address any emergencies (perceived or otherwise) that may have come up. Not doing so this past Saturday left me with over 1,500 e-mails to wade through on Monday morning.

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No Need to Respond to Rude E-mails

I’ve never sent a rude e-mail.   I may be sternly professional when in the cross-hairs of someone who e-mailed me in such a manner that I felt I needed to respond to set them straight.    I’ve never name called, used formatting to show aggression or to make a point.  I choose my words carefully, make my points with clarity and sign off in a professional manner.

However, to those who are downright rude with no legitimate reason in doing so — I don’t respond at all.

Just because you have an e-mail address or a Web site does not obligate you to have to respond, defend or cajole every knucklehead who may come your way. There are those e-mails that due to lack of e-mail etiquette, punctuation and grammar come of terse or rude unintentionally. Those folks get a response with a pointer to my site so they can avoid future misunderstandings.

But then, there are the jerks. We’ve all run into that person who you just can’t win with. They will be rude, name call and accuse simply to be a bully because they have no basis for their point of view other than to resort to nasty digs.  That approach in of itself speaks volumes as to their overall lack of character.   Feel sorry for those that have to communicate in that manner to make their point.  Go back to them in a kind (or sternly professional) manner with your reply and take the higher ground.

By doing so, you set an example of how those with an education, who care about how they are perceived, who know how to use technology with courtesy, knowledge and understanding handle themselves.   Maybe, just maybe, by example, they may learn something!

Are You Perceived as Terse?

What many e-mailers do not realize is how easy it is to come off as blunt, terse or demanding. Even with your every day e-mails, it is so very important to ensure that you present yourself with clarity and courtesy.

A simple greeting at the beginning of every e-mail will help you to accomplish this. Just add a Hello, (name) or Hi, (name) and your e-mail will be taken in a completely different light. If you think about it, you don’t just pick up the phone and start talking without doing the same. I know phone and e-mail are different communication venues, but why should e-mail disregard common courtesy in light of being “informal” (informal is many times code for lazy)?

When you start an e-mail with a question or demand, without that greeting softening or framing your request, your e-mail can be perceived as bossy, demanding or easily misunderstood. Have a comment that states a point of view or opinion and without that oh-so-important greeting; you can come off as terse.

Every e-mail you send, should always begin with a proper greeting fitting of the tone you want to relay and formality that is required based on your relationship with the person you are e-mailing. By not making this extra effort, the negative impact of your requests or comments could cause those you communicate with to cringe when they see your name in their inbox.

And wouldn’t that be a shame when you can avoid such a reaction by just including a nice greeting?

Email Bullies

A site visitor writes:

Could you please evaluate this message. The person that sends this states it means nothing to have the ???, !!! and cap letters, but he continues to do it.

John:
Please send the updated spreadsheet for this project????????
Send this document - NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first sentence doesn’t even warrant one question mark let alone multiple instances. If having multiple exclamation points or questions marks “means nothing”, then why he is communicating in this manner? The fact is doing so does reflect tone — that of one making a strong demand!

There are many folks who refuse to realize the power of their written words, the corresponding punctuation and the ramifications of how they choose to use them. This certainly does not mean that the perceptions they are presenting, or the emotions they are insinuating are not there. They are!

Your associate is either simply showing their lack of online savvy or they know exactly how they are being perceived and do not have the nerve to admit it when confronted. By typing in caps, and by using !!!! or ??? he is typing to you with an overly aggressive and condescending tone. He comes off as a bully and not very professional. If that is what he meant, fine. If not, basic punctuation would have sufficed.

Using multiple exclamation points or question marks is covered on my site.
Email Etiquette 101, Courtesy #3.

Typing in all caps is also covered, Courtesy #1, item 1

Although I reference only 2 of the 10 Courtesies above, it is recommended one start from the beginning and go through them all to have a complete understanding of how your actions, or lack thereof, can effect how they will be perceived online.