Old Flame & E-mail Etiquette

March 5, 2009 by Judith

A concerned site visitor writes:

To make a long story short, an old boyfriend found me on the Internet. He is married but not happily (so he says), I am widowed. He arranged for me to meet him at a resort, paying for everything including my airfare. Now for 2 weeks I have not heard from him and am wondering what to do. Emails are going unanswered. In one of his emails, he had his neighbors email address and now I wonder if it would be appropriate to email them and ask about him. They do not know of our involvement and I plan to keep it that way. It’s the not knowing that is making me feel sad as if a member of my family has died. Please advise if it’s proper netiquette to contact these neighbors?

Yikes…. This really isn’t about e-mail etiquette, it’s more about having discretion and using common sense. As an adult that’s the risk you took getting involved with a married man — regardless of how unhappy (so he says) he is.

No it is not appropriate to contact the neighbors. What a cad he is by even involving them. They did not give you their e-mail address — the creep you had a fling with did. You don’t know them therefore you don’t e-mail them about your illicit affair. This is your situation to resolve in another way. The fact he is using another person’s address is a big red flag!

Regardless of the emotions involved, until or when if ever he is a free man, consider your trip one of life’s adventures (or mistakes) that you now have to leave behind you. Chalk this one up to experience!

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Comments

2 Responses to “Old Flame & E-mail Etiquette”

Rodney on March 7th, 2009 12:37 am

I totally agree with you Judith! On both counts, although the stealing of email addresses pales into insignificance against the stealing of a husband!

Not an email issue at all! One of common sense, which is sadly not too common these days! And of selfishness; but this is probably not the place – I wonder why it didn’t appear on your excellent 123 site?
Judith on March 7th, 2009 9:45 am

Hey, Rodney:

Good to hear from you! ;-)

The bottom line with this inquiry was the etiquette of using addresses that you don’t have permission to use. (The personal stuff really wasn’t my focus and I down-edited allot of the gruesome details…) The inquiry in full was looking for justification or permission from me to follow up on this relationship through an addressed they knew wasn’t the individual they wanted to contact nor did they have permission to use that address.

As you well know, simply because an e-mail address is visible or available doesn’t mean you have permission to e-mail those you don’t know. Not that I have to explain myself, but being this site is about “everything e-mail etiquette” I used this inquiry as another opportunity to make this point.

Thank you for your kind words about my Etiquette forums @ 123Etiquette.com!

At your service,
Judith