Do you have onliners you probably don’t know asking to be added to your IM/AIM/ICQ contact list? Some give a first name and some don’t. Since you don’t know for sure if the request is coming from a person that you know, what is the best way to respond? You certainly don’t want to be rude to friends who don’t have the smarts to identify themselves in such a way that you know who they are, right?
It is smart to have your instant messaging set to only allow contact with those on your approved list or they have to ask to be added. That is simply a good practice so you are not inundated by IM spammers or weirdos looking to communicate with total strangers.
Here is what I say when I refuse a request to be added to my approved list:
“I’m sorry, as I am sure you can understand, I do not approve additions to my contact list from those who do not give me the courtesy of introducing themselves by name and including why they want to communicate with me. Have a great day!”
This way, in case it is some you know, you haven’t offended them. Folks should understand why you are taking caution in giving access to anyone who does not identify who they are and their intentions. That’s just common sense!
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I agree with this approach, but if I received the language suggested above I would consider it snotty. The person who reached out to you may not have great email etiquette, and may be somewhat cavalier and shorthanded — but they still may be a bona fide friend who you don’t really want to offend or make feel they are on the receiving end of a lecture. So I think kinder and gentler would be better. I would instead say something like: “Thanks for your note about adding you to my contact list. Sorry I don’t recognize your name. Could you please let me know your last name and how we know each other. Thanks very much.” Then if it’s someone with whom you DO want to maintain a relationship, you don’t risk being perceived as snotty/whiny.
Good point, Joshua!
For me, and it probably is because I am so accessible online, in 15 years I’ve never had a friend or someone I do know well enough to know I do want to encourage a relationship with, be offended by that statement or be someone who sent a request without comment in the first place.
Online is all about relationship building. With all the spammers and those with self-serving motives out there, if you are serious about hooking up with someone (who could could be like me and get many requests every day), it behooves you to take just a moment of your time to introduce yourself and state the reason for your contact request.