This week I received several panicked e-mailers asking my advice and help about what they should do being they had sent e-mails to the wrong person. “Can I get the e-mail back?” In short — nope.
One was typing about the “wrong person” in a not to kind way to another friend and inadvertently copied the “wrong person” on their diatribe (Poetic justice?). The other hit Reply to All and one of those included in “All” was the topic of the reply. Oops.
Once you click Send the e-mail is officially and irretrievably on its way. There is nothing you can do when these type of things happen but to grovel and humbly apologize. If it involves someone you really care about you’ll call them on the phone and/or apologize in person.
This situation, which surprisingly happens often, can easily be avoided by following two simple steps:
- Don’t be a gossip in your e-mail. If you can’t type something nice about someone whose address you do have in your address book; then don’t type anything at all. Talking (in this case typing) behind someone’s back is just as dishonorable online as it is off-line.
- Do not add any addresses in the To field until after you have composed the message to your satisfaction. Ignore the Reply to All button all together; never use it.
The onus is on you to decide how to handle the aftermath. You can regain some of the lost trust and lack of character your actions exhibited by being sincere and swift with your apology.
Do not offer excuses. There is no excuse for you not paying attention to details. Do the right thing by offering your apology and then make a point of never being in too much of a hurry to not pay attention to what you are doing again!
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This reminds me of the episode on The Office where the boss is convinced that there is a program called the Gobbler that can go out and catch emails you sent that were a mistake. I can imagine someone could make a fortune if they actually invented an email Gobbler!
Hey, Sherman:
There are actually services that exist now to help those who e-mail while partaking in adult beverages (bad idea!) that they need to be able to do math problems or the e-mail doesn’t get sent! Don’t drink and e-mail!
No “Gobbler” needed if folks just would pay attention to what they are doing….
Sending a “not-so-nice” email to the wrong person can put more than just yourself in a sticky situation. Gossiping online can have even worse backlashes than gossiping in person because there is no denying it when someone has your words in print. It is a risk that should simply not be taken. Again, if there is something that needs to be said that badly, it should be said in person. When you are in the workforce and you have important people in your address book you could completely ruin your future by accidentally sending an e-mail astray. Just don’t do it over e-mail and online period. It’s not worth the risk, especially if you cannot pay attention to details and idnore that Reply All button.
Hey, Hannah:
Sage advice — couldn’t have said that better myself! Thanks for your comments!
What about if you received an email you weren’t suppose to receive, for example, from the company president to its VP’s… what should one do?
Hey, Mark:
Thanks for stopping by!
What I would do is reply only to the Sending stating that you believe you may have received that e-mail in error and to let them know in case it did not go to the intended parties.
HTH!
I send an email to wrong person-my ex,and just want to do something about it but it’s not possible as I can see here.And I never gossip.
Hey, Izabela:
Once an e-mail is sent — it is sent. Maybe create different address books in your e-mail program and move his address to a folder of it’s own. That way the main people you e-mail all the time are the ones front and center and you would have to make extra effect to add your Ex to the list. ;-)
Thanks for stopping by!
if you are using outlook , you can adjust your settings to delay any email sent for up to 120 minutes. Gives you time to review or rethink your mistakes
Hey, Charles:
Eudora allows you to schedule as well. Scheduling, while it gives you time before being sent, doesn’t prevent e-mails from being sent or recovered once sent. That is why I always recommend with emotional or important e-mails to not queue them at all — keep them in draft until the next morning when you may feel differently or have a clearer head to review.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hi there,
An older boy e-mailed me asking if I wanted to join him on a trip, and told me I could invite my boyfriend if I want to. I accidentally e-mailed the boy back — in an e-mail that was supposed to go to my boyfriend — saying: “Joe shmoe invited us on a trip, do you want to go or should I say we can’t?”
Realizing what I had done, I instantly e-mailed the older boy, telling him that was supposed to go to my boyfriend and that I just didn’t want it to sound like a date. I apologized all over myself. What I’m trying to ask is, did I do the right thing, and could he have taken that too harshly? It just shows that I put my boyfriend first and don’t want it to seem like I’m cheating on him.
–Maya
Hey, Maya:
I don’t have access to the e-mails involved to know what each side said — exactly — and the words used. Words do matter. Nor do I know how the other person will perceive your e-mail because I do not know your relationship. Only you know this for sure. If you are concerned that you made a mistake and that your apology was not taken as you would like — pick up the phone and call the older boy. Relationships are not made or strengthened by e-mail alone…. HTH!