E-mail Forwards Ending a Friendship?

A site visitor was curious and pondered:

Here is the situation with a “friend” of mine… We sent each other Christmas cards, no phone calls or visits. My friend recently sent me an e-mail on to my private e-addy saying she thought of me often, wondered how I was doing, and was sending the e-mail to tell me she thought of me fondly. She signed off with “LYLAS”…initials meaning “love you like a sister”.

Assuming she is wondering if I am reading her e-mails, she sent me many more “forwarded” chain letters to my e-addy that is not private. I did not respond…and wouldn’t have anyway because they had no personal note attached.

While her recent e-mail was not a forwarded note and was very kind, it is still a reminder to me that she doesn’t think I deserve a phone call or real-time conversation. At this point, since all I get are forwards with no personal comments, she will get absolutely no response from me at all. I will only answer to a telephone call… What do you think of this approach?

I understand your frustration and point of view. I’ve always made it practice to not respond to forwards that do not have a personal note to me.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even take the time to read forwards of that nature.

With that said, since so many pick up on perceptions that may be incorrect or over amplified in e-mail, why not pick up the phone and ask her how she is and if everything is O.K.?   Since you did not advise how your responded to her recent note, it could be she had the time, was thinking of you and was sincerely genuine in the words she typed.

Also keep in mind that when folks forward e-mails to you, they do actually feel they are thinking of you by including you in their mailing.  Both you and I agree that if you were really thinking of someone you would take the extra few moments to type a personal note.  However, in my experience a vast majority believe the same is accomplished, although incorrectly so, by just adding your address to their list.

I’m not making excuses for your friend.  Many do not realize that what they think is thoughtful behavior is actually lazy with a dash of narcissim.  But at the end of the day, if the relationsship is important to you, I wouldn’t let a rash of forwards without personal notes be the cause to end your friendship.

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