If you are looking for a job or want to communicate with those you do not know or have not met, how you approach and address them can make all the difference in the world as to how seriously your request may be viewed.
What is the proper way to address someone by e-mail? This all depends on your relationship and how well you know the person, if the e-mail is business or personal as well as the situation at hand.
If you do not know them very well or at all, always use the highest level of formality Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., etc. to start. Especially in business, you don’t want to get too informal too soon. Formalities are in place for reason as they reflect courtesy and respect for the other side. You will be able to tell when the other side is ready for a more relaxed tone by how they sign off their e-mail or reply to you. Follow their lead and you’ll never go wrong!
Never assume how names are spelled either. I have those who do not know me who assume a premature informal stance and address me as “Judy.” For the most part, I’m “Judith” but with those I know very well and that I have an established relationship with, I will sign off my e-mails with a “Judi.” If you knew me well enough to take the liberty of calling me by my first name you would know that.
Then, there are those who continue to e-mail me as “Judy” without taking the time to notice that is not how I spell my name. What do you think that says about one’s attention to detail? It is very important to make sure that you are spelling your contact’s names properly. Spelling names properly reflects that you are paying attention and is basic common courtesy.
You also want to avoid the first name, last name trap. There are software programs that will insert names for you. When I get addressed as “Dear Judith Kallos”, I know there is an automated process involved and the message is in no way truly personalized to me. Nobody in the real world addresses you like that with your first name and last name!
How you address your contacts will set a tone and level of formality, as well as form a perception about you on the other side that can lead to positive relationship building.
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I agree that “Miss” can come across as patronising in a professional context. I get around the issue by not using titles, but addressing people as First name Last name in my initial contact. I mean this as a sign of respect, to address the person clearly by their name and without regard to their status, professional, marital or otherwise. I wanted to speak up to show that indeed real world people do use this form of address.
Thank you for sharing, Jane!
Hello, Judith:
Have a question: is it OK to address a person with Dear Mr. John Smith in the very first business letter or e-mail to him, or it’s more appropriate to go with Dear John Smith (w/o the salutation). Me and my co-worker are litterally on the opposite sides of the barricades over that salutation after ‘Dear’.
No dispute over Dear Mr. Last Name – the arguement comes down to ‘Dear Mr. John(!) Smith.
I’ve never come across anything like ‘Dear Mr. John Smith’, while she insists that such form is just a very formal and respectful way of addressing someone for the first time.
Please advise. Thank you in advance !
Hey, Bill:
Dear Mr. John Smith — just doesn’t sound natural. Nor have I ever received a letter addressing me in that manner so I am unclear where your coworker would have gotten the impression that is the way you *should* address someone the first time. In e-mails, when I am addressed that way it is either by those not familiar with the English language from other countries or a spammers.
I’m not big on “Dear” for e-mails — Dear is more formal and reserved for written communications. So I don’t agree with your coworker but I also do not believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. For e-mail, rare should be the case you are e-mailing, errr…spamming, someone you don’t know. Snail mail, that’s different and you have the opportunity to give the impression that you are mass mailing (which Dear Mr. John Smith sounds like) vs. a more personal or natural approach.
HTH! ;-)
This is a topic many struggle with to hit the right balance of formality. However, what gets lost in the quest for perfect addressing is the fact that we need to not only be respectful — but natural and avoid sounding like a form letter mass mailer.
Judith – TUVM!
I like your point of view. I often feel like a schoolboy when I get the e-mails beginning on ‘Dear Bill Bobson’ from the people I know for a while. John McClane’s remark springs to my mind ‘Sister Teresa called me Mr. McClane in the third grade’ (I was’t even in the kindergarten when the movie came out – just one of my favorite actions to borrow memorable quotes from:-) )
I appreciate your help.
Hi Judith,
I am wondering what your opinion is on the appropriate way to address someone formally with more than one last name, for example someone who added a last name when getting married, or from a culture where more than one last name is common. Do you use the first surname, final surname, or both? Is there a formal “rule” to this or does it mainly rely on personal opinion (like the Ms. issue)? Does the rule change depending on whether or not there is a hyphen? Thanks for your advice!
Alli
Hey, Ali:
I’ve always considered hyphenated last names the same as non-hyphenated and treat them as any other last name. The hyphen isn’t what determines formality — it is your relationship that you have with that contact and the subject and intent of the e-mail. If you don’t know them at all, the highest level of formality should be used until they indicate otherwise, either by commenting to you or in how they sign off.
We live in a day where many claim that “personal opinions” outweigh what is standard and customary. Many times just to justify their inappropriate actions. That approach simply isn’t effective in building relationships based on respect and in business; professionalism.
In over 16 years only a handful of times have I had to use that level of formality (I’ve used Mr. and Miss — never Ms. — and only Mrs. a couple of times when site visitors signed off in that manner) as I don’t find myself e-mailing people who are such strangers to me that I don’t know how best to address them! HTH! ;-)
Oh thanks for letting me know that some women don’t like to be addressed as “Ms.” ! I have always preferred Ms. so I assumed that maybe every woman does. Anyway, just yesterday, I got a mail from a woman I had been addressing as Ms.Mathews. She signed it Mrs.Mathews in bold, CAPS (maybe to let me know that she preferred Mrs!! )
Hey, Ms. K:
Little did I know the response that Miss, Ms., Mrs. would bring! I am addressed by all three all the time…. So I guess the moral of the story is, especially in business where you want to show attention to detail and nurture relationships is to ask what the other side prefers. Thanks for stopping by!
Hello Judith,
Thanks for sharing those insights. Very helpful.
I have had an important customer respond to me ovr written communication with ‘by he way, is fine instead of dr.’
As I have never met the person, and that it comes over just 2 rounds of emails, to my thinking, requires a courtesy response.
Request your help with whether it is a good idea to respond in the first place, and what could an apt response be please?
Your response shall help me a lot; not only to respond (if warranted) but also to learn something important.
Hey, VB:
Thanks for your kind words and glad to be here to help!
I believe in responding to all e-mails where I can answer a questions or concern. When not sure of the level of formality I should use I always err on the more formal side until which time the other person directly states or notes otherwise in their signature file.
Since your customer stated you can be less formal — feel free to do so — as long as you are comfortable doing so! No reply is necessary but you could use your reply as an opportunity to let them know you look forward to working with them further.
Does that help? ;-)
it did. thanks again. :)
I wish to add that it depends on the country and the continent. My potential European businesspartners always put first name+last name, as this is the convention of writing letters to someone you don’t know. First name+last name also avoids having to guess whether the person is male or female – you don’t always know and foreign language names can be tricky.
My e-mail signature includes the title Dr. I don’t mind being called Mr. or Ms. but if when people switch to first name without permission, I become quite annoyed. I don’t correct them, though. Americans want to be overly informal too soon but in order to receive their money one should just endure them…
Excuse my English, please, it is not my first language.
Sincerely Yours,
Hey, Yavère:
Thank you so much for taking the time to add your perspective! Sage advice about how we need to consider, especially in business communications, the traditions and formality expectations of those we communicate with. Those little efforts are a sign of respect and to get too informal too quickly can be viewed negatively and even taken as an insult. (I discuss these issues in more detail over on my Business E-mail Etiquette Blog.)
Your English and written communication skills are better than many business onliners that I communicate with on a daily basis! Thanks for stopping by! ;-)
Hi,
I’m a student of English literature (sophomore) at a university in Germany, so please excuse my English. I found your article very interesting and I have to confess that I wasn’t aware of how important titles are until now!
Recently, I have exchanged quite a few e-mails with a professor whom I’ve asked to write a letter of recommendation for me. She is our English teacher and I remember that she asked us to call her either by her first name or “Ms. x” (maybe also Dr., but I can ahrdly remember), and NEVER to call her Mrs. or Miss. Since we had a very casual environment in class, I thought that I’d stick to Ms. And although I have written her over the last year numerous mails that started with “Dear Ms.x”, she suddenly corrected me in her last mail, signing at the end of the mail with “Dr. (not “Ms.”) x”.
I’m really confused! Did I vex her? And should I excuse myself for not calling her the right way? I really thought that she was a more laid-back person regarding these formal things.
It would be great to hear from you.
Hey, Hanna:
Mrs. or Miss reflects marital status and those who don’t want to divulge that information opt for Ms. I really do not think you vexed your English teacher. It is clear she thinks how she is addressed is very important to her based on her past comments to you. I think she just has decided she prefers to be addressed differently — which I admit is odd with someone you already know. Maybe since you last wrote she acquired additional degrees and it is more important to her to reflect that. I think you can safely rest assured that this is more about her than you! ;-)
Thanks for stopping by!
Oh thank you so much Judith for the fast response!! This made me feel much better ;)
Judith,
I am writing this comment in the same way that I write a business email to an associate for the same company I work for. Is it alright that I to simply begin the email with the person’s first name? I feel that using the Mr. or Miss. Smith is too formal. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
John Smith
Hey, John:
I don’t mind you addressing me by my first name. In business you have to be VERY careful to not become too informal too quickly. Formalities are a sign of respect and should not be minimized. Some folks may not be as easy going as I am on this topic so you will always want to err on the site of using the highest level of formality until the recipient and the business relationship indicates otherwise.
HTH!
Judith,
How do address someone if you don’t know is they are female or male. It is an important email to an admissions officer.
Thank you,
Sarah
Please excuse my grammar, I forgot to reread it. * How do you address someone that has a unisex name?
Hey, Sarah:
That is a very tricky situation! You want to do everything you can to find out if they are a he or a she before assuming. Sometimes this means picking up the phone and asking how the person prefers to be addressed. Sometimes Googling someone can provide more insight too!
HTH! ;-)
Hello Judith,
I’m a student and I’m having trouble deciding how to address an email because I don’t want to offend the recipient. He works for a scientific journal and I’m not sure whether I should address him as “Dr. Last Name” or “Mr. Last Name”. He concluded the email with “Best Regards, First Name”, then followed with his signature, which was “First Name, Last Name. Journal Office Administrator”. I thought that people who work for scientific journals have doctorate degrees but he didn’t include “PhD” in his signature. I’ve tried to find more information about him on the internet but haven’t been able to find his credentials. What would be the best way to address this email?
Thanks for your help!
Hey, MZ:
Let how he signed off guide you. Since he signed off with his first name, that is an indication that you can then address him that way.
HTH! ;-)