There is a tone to every e-mail you send. It’s all about what words you choose, how you use them, format them, bold them and your choice of punctuation. I believe many neglect to take their e-mail tone into consideration. What then happens is misunderstandings galore!
When you bold words, that makes them bold in emphasis. Then turning them red means you are making sure that text is not overlooked. Bold and red make an emotional statement and you then have tone oozing out of your e-mail. Your mother will perceive the very same bold and red in an e-mail differently than the same bold and red used in an e-mail to a new acquaintance.
Your perceived tone will differ based on how well someone knows you.
It is wise if you are typing about an emotional subject to wait until you can check your e-mail in a less than emotional state. If you’ve enjoyed adult beverages — just walk away from the computer and don’t send a single e-mail until the next day. You’ll thank yourself later if you put yourself through a minor waiting period in lieu of pounding out an emotional response on your keyboard and hitting your Send button without thought as to your perceived tone.
One of the most dangerous tone “increasers” is overuse of punctuation. Why the heck do people use more than one exclamation point!!!!!!!! Don’t they understand that one question mark is enough????? Communicating in this way tends to come off as demanding and condescending. Just one ! or ? is enough.
When you are unsure if your e-mail is relaying your intend tone and emotional strength, read your e-mail out loud as though you were reading it to the person you are sending to. You might be surprised at how your e-mail “sounds” when read out loud. Use that opportunity to tweak your e-mail so it is reflective of what you want to get across.
Ask yourself: “Would I say this, to this person, in this way, if we were face to face?” If you wouldn’t, then don’t hit Send. E-mail is not a tool to say things you don’t have the guts to say in person. Nor is it an excuse to hide behind this screen.
By thinking about the issues mentioned above you’ll have fewer regrets and be perceived as much more sincere, open and honest. Now that’s how you build and nurture relationships via e-mail!
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As usual Judith, very good advice! Goes so well with your earlier explanation that perception is everything in e-mail, because that’s all we have: no facial expression, not even tone of voice as when speaking on telephone.
I’d like to pass on my practice when I have a need to send an emotive e-mail: I printout and put by my bed to read when I awaken the next day. Usually I want to modify!
Thankyou Judith for sharing with us your continuing wisdom.
Hey, Rodney!
What a great idea to print out e-mails for the next morning! One thing is clear you don’t want to hit that Send button when you are emotionally charged. Never have I not changed an e-mail that I put on hold until cooler heads can prevail.
Appreciate your support!