How to Handle Mis-sends

A site visitor writes:

I was wondering if you had any advice about the best thing to do when you accidentally “mis-send” an email to the wrong person–whether it’s embarrassing, like a complaint meant for a co-worker that you inadvertently send to your boss, or something more simple, like hitting “reply to all” when you only meant to respond to the sender. Can you give advice about what you should do when you realize your mistake?

The only thing you can do is to humbly apologize for the error. Don’t make excuses to justify why this happened - you made a mistake because you were not paying attention to what buttons you were hitting. This happens on occasion and is generally due to simply not paying attention.

If someone’s feeling were hurt or a trust was broken due to your “mis-send”, then, a personal phone call or note to the party involved where you add a bit of groveling for your lack of attention to detail and courtesy is suggested. Again, no excuses - only a sincere and genuine apology will do!

As with most things, there is a silver lining when this happens. The silver lining is that you won’t do it again and possibly cause hurt feelings or abuse someone’s trust. And that’s a good thing!

No Netiquette E-mails

Some onliners are quite bold in the anonymity being behind this screen offers. Those who are uniformed with lack of attention to detail do not hesitate to spew their opinions that many times are not based in fact or reality. What do you do when you are the recipient of an e-mail with this tone?

As of late, I have even found myself at a loss for words when reading some of the e-mail that has come my way. Unfortunately, I think all of us will have to deal with these “personalities” at one time or another and probably more so than any of us prefer. Here are some tips and guidelines to determine when, if and how to deal with rude or nasty e-mail:

• If you receive an e-mail with foul language or threats, know that this is against the TOS (Terms of Service) of all ISPs. Immediately send the e-mail to your ISP with full headers. File a formal complaint. All ISPs have information on how to do this on their site. Keep the e-mail on file in case you need to refer to it or provide additional copies down the road.
  
• When you receive an e-mail that is blatantly rude or obnoxious and is not based in fact, think about if there is any constructive reason to have to respond. If the tone is so crude that you feel your blood pressure rise, wait until the next morning at the very least to even think about if you will respond at all. Your ego is not large enough (I hope) to have the need to defend yourself when faced with incorrect accusations or personal digs - don’t lower yourself to their level by responding to this type of e-mail. Hold yourself to a higher ground and do not respond at all, regardless of the tone or accusations within the e-mail in question.
  
• If someone e-mails you because they are misinformed or possibly could have made an honest mistake, “kill” them with kindness and give them the benefit of the doubt. Better yet, point out in a professional manner the information to correct the issue or point them to the area on your site or another site that has the info they seek without personalizing the issue. Thank them for contacting you, sign off in a cordial manner and hold your head high knowing you just provided an example of proper communication skills that is quite rare online. You may even be surprised when the very same Netizen sends you a thank you e-mail!
  
• In my over 10 years experience online I’ve realized that there are those that do not want to communicate with courtesy and knowledge. No matter how clear, nice, kind or patience you may be. If you are in a forum or group of onliners who disregard common courtesies find another group or forum that appreciates those efforts - there are more out there than not.
  

So don’t let worrying about loosing that “lead” or “friend” have you lower your standards in regard to how you want to be treated or how you in turn communicate back - if at all. As long as you are doing your best to be a thoughtful Netizen, move on and choose to only communicate with those who type to you with respect and courtesy.

Recommended and Disowned

A site visitor writes:

I think your site is very helpful; so helpful in fact that I sent my own
Mom to your site because her emails were coming across as very hostile in their appearance, although not in subject. Because of this, she decided to disown me - by virtue of an email nonetheless. Now what?

Yikes!!! That is overreacting a just a bit! That said, your Mom is not the first to react so dramatically when it was pointed out that they were doing something wrong online. In my experience no matter how gentle, how kind, how nice — many still react viscerally. Why is it so many are not open to constructive criticism or suggestions? Maybe some of my readers will pipe in with their thoughts on this.

Goodness sake, I’ve been doing this from the start - over 13 years now - and I still learn something new every single day I am at this keyboard. Could you imagine if I got my underwear in a bundle every time I was wrong, or confronted with having to learn new things?

The only suggestion I have is for you to offer your “humble and sincere” apologies. Let her know the reason that you sent her to my site was pure in intent with no idea that she would react in this manner. Let her know it is because you care so very much about her and didn’t want her to be perceived negatively by those she communicates with online. Tell her that many of the issues covered on my site, if not followed could lead to folks to not wanting to communicate with her.

Writing e-mail is a skill that needs to be honed, thought about and practiced. Body language, tone of voice, eye contact are all missing. That is why, if one wants to participate in this medium they have to make an effort to ensure their e-mails offer clarity and the proper intent.

That takes an open mind, willingness to learn and willingness to be wrong on occasion - happens to the best of us!

Getting E-mail Returns?

Undeliverable error messages are the protocol in place to let you know when messages sent do not (for many different reasons) make it to the intended recipient. You want to become familiar with how these messages relay exactly what the problem is. What causes you to get these messages?

1. User gave incorrect e-mail address - usually a typo.
2. User’s account is canceled or their e-mail box is filled.
3. Spammer intentionally gave incorrect return address so that they will
not be identified and shut-down.
4. If you use autoresponders, the auto could not be delivered due to any
of the reasons above and gets returned to you as undeliverable.

An “undeliverable” message will always give a reason as to why the
message could not be delivered within the content of the message. A
typical return looks something like this:

The original message was received at Wed, 2, July 2003 18:45:05 -0500
(EST) from tiberius-t.isp.net [207.69.232.22]

—– The following addresses had permanent fatal errors —–

—– Transcript of session follows —–
… while talking to mx.rinku.or.jp.:
>>> RCPT To: [fake, wrong or erroneous email will be here]
<<< 550 … User unknown
550 … User unknown
</END>

These messages vary depending on the systems involved in the delivery
of the e-mail. Many times you will note that, if the spammer sent you junk
mail through one of the addresses on your Web site that you have an
autoresponder attached to, that the autoresponder is what couldn’t be
delivered and your server is just letting you know this.

Remember, at the top of each returned undeliverable e-mail is a code
that gives you a reason why the e-mail could not be delivered. Here is
a list of some of the most common error codes that you may run into
when e-mails get returned to you:

421 Service not available, closing transmission channel
450 Requested mail action not taken: mailbox unavailable
451 Requested action aborted: local error in processing
452 Requested action not taken: insufficient system storage (mailbox full)
550 Requested action not taken: mailbox unavailable (mailbox not found, no access)
552 Requested mail action aborted: exceeded storage allocation (mailbox full)
553 Requested action not taken: mailbox name not allowed (mailbox syntax incorrect)
554 Transaction failed (timed out, resources, network issues)

Most undeliverables are due to a simple typo in the e-mail address. And as spam increases, as discussed in previous posts, returns due to “policy reasons” indicate your e-mail was spammy and triggered spam filters.

Many times taking the time to look at the top of the returned e-mail, lets you know exactly why the e-mail was returned and what action, if any, you need to take.

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