Dating Web Site E-mail Etiquette?

I thought I would share with you a conversation I had with a Web site visitor who was sick and tired of the lack of etiquette on Dating Web sites:

I have a pet peeve. I belong to several online Web dating sites. I should say that I am a 61-year-old woman, though a very young 61-year-old! I think I am quite attractive, intelligent, and accomplished.

With online dating sites, folks don’t feel the need to be courteous because there are no repercussions or accountability for not doing so.

Often when I contact a man whose profile I like, he doesn’t even bother to answer. I try at least to send a short polite “No, thank you.” when someone contacts me and I’m not interested and some men do this too, but more often than not, they just don’t bother to write back.

Well, unfortunately, you are more courteous that most.

It really annoys me and seems insulting and rude.

It is rude–to not respond to an inquiry or the fact someone showed interest in you is very selfish and rude. If one is listed on such sites to encourgage contacts, they should at the very least offer the common courtesy of a response.

After all, if someone introduced us (out in the real world), the guy would show some semblance of politeness. On occasion, I’ve contacted the guy a second time and expressed my disappointment in their not answering, and usually, when prodded, they do write something. Am I crazy to expect a reply?

No you are not crazy!! Don’t make this about you–it is about them! Many people hide behind these screens because they know you can’t see them and that they are not be held accountable for their actions. It isn’t you–it is the other side that doesn’t know how to behave properly. Instead look at it from a positive POV; you found out they lack common courtesy even before you wasted another moment.

Some dating sites have “canned” short, polite answers you can use if you don’t want to write a personal “No thanks.” What is the official word on this?

The official word is you always provide a courteous response when someone e-mails you. That is just the right thing to do.

Thanks for any insights you can shed on this dilemma! I really appreciate it and want to know what I can do about it if anything.

There is nothing you can do but to continue being you. We can’t control other’s behavior and I would look at it that if they didn’t respond they probably are not the type of guy who shares your beliefs on how to treat others anyway.

If they don’t respond, fine. They are the ones loosing out on someone who has manners and courtesy–which are rare commodities in this day and age where we live in a culture of “me, me, everything is about me.” I know it is easier said than done but don’t take it personally. These are “men” who don’t have the intestinal fortitude to at the very least show a lady some courtesy. So who needs them?!

Selling Other’s Comments?

A site visitor asks:

What if someone takes your written words from various blogs, puts them in a book and adds defaming comments of their own and then SELLS the book? I, along with a number of friends and acquaintances, have had this done to us by one person. Do we have any recourse?

As I state on in my article about Online Copyright Issues, anything you write you own the copyright to and that person, if they had any e-ethics should have contacted you for your permission to include your writings in their book.

They can make any comments they like defaming or otherwise–that isn’t really the issue–everyone can have an opinion. The issue is using your content that you wrote in a book that they are commercially gaining from without your permission.

At this point your only recourse would be to bring legal action against the party in question and that can get very expensive fast. Another option, would be to check where their Web site is hosted and then review their hosting company’s DMCA (also noted in the above article) clause and make them aware that the book they are selling is infringing on your copyright by including your posts without your permission.

Daily Signature Files Use

This is a topic onliners struggle with. When to use a signature file, what should it say, and how do you determine the best use of your signature file.

One issue in particular that has come up lately, is using your info-packed “ego-sig” signature file on every single e-mail you send. Not necessary!! If I am e-mailing back and forth with you I really don’t need to see that at the bottom of every response. Switch to a more basic sig file after the first couple of back and forths.

Also, for those who already have your information or for friend and family members — no need to include all that blah-blah-blah about you anyway. What you do is have different signature files for different situations. I’ve lost count of the number of signature files I have! I name each for the specific way I desire to sign-off in any given situation. Did you catch that? Sign-off?

Yep! You can include your sign-off and your name in your signature file! That way you only have to be concerned about the content of your e-mail then all you have to do is choose which sig file you want to display.

For friends and family, mine is just Love, and my name. Then, I have a bunch of various business sigs depending on whom I am e-mailing, why, the level of formality I want to set or what promo I have going at the time. The more sigs the better!

Forwarding business associates who know you an e-mail with your ego-sig at the top without comment as to why you are forwarding is plain old lazy. Talk about reflecting a lack of tech savvy — or is it your title you are bragging about? Neither perception is a good one. Take the time to write a comment about why you are forwarding and have your signature follow — an abbreviated version for those who you e-mail on a daily basis will do just fine.

Be sure to review my article: Dos and Don’ts of Signature Files

E-mail Requires Your Full Attention!

This morning I was on KDKA News Radio in Pittsburgh discussing the forwarding of e-mails. I do these type of interviews several times each week and have a blast doing them.

This interview in particular was initiated due to a big hullabaloo out there about one of the Pittsburgh Steelers coaches who “inadvertently forwarded an e-mail containing pornographic material to the league’s ‘All General Managers’ e-mail distribution list. This e-mail was sent to him from Steelers personnel director and then he sent it, to “multiple high-level team employees and their secretaries’.”

Forwarded by the Personnel Director? Yikes! Sounds like the Steelers need to get an e-mail policy in place and have a sit down with all their personnel — the director being the first — so everyone is aware of the guidelines and what is expected of them.

Needless to say this coach is in some major hot water — there are even calls for him to be fired. One of the first questions I was asked today was how could he have prevented this? How can he see who is on the list he is sending to?

It can be prevented by paying attention to what buttons you click! As far as who is on this list — that is programmed into his e-mail software and he can view the list, if he knew how or was so inclined. Once again we have someone on business time, using business resources sending questionable e-mails and worse yet, not paying attention to what they are doing.

Believe it or not this happens quite often. People in a hurry click a button then Send to only realize their commentary went not to the intended party but to someone else. Usually someone they didn’t want to view that particular e-mail’s contents.

When it comes to forwarding e-mail — just stop! Everyone just stop!! If you can’t take the time to write a personal comment as to why you are forwarding to the specific person you are forwarding to, don’t waste their time or yours. No more sending to lists of contacts who didn’t ask to be on your “forward to everyone you know” list.

If you are a habitual forwarder or know one, two or ten, stop now and read this article and use the Send feature in the top right hand corner to notify others with this uncontrollable behavior to do the same. Read my article 5 Rules of Forwarding E-mails.

Slow down, take your time and for goodness sake pay attention to which buttons you click. Review the To: field, BCc: and Cc: fields to ensure you are sending to who you intend. Then, and only then, should you click Send. If you don’t, I hope you love the taste of humble pie.

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