What About Thank You Notes?

A NetManners.com site visitor writes:

I would like to know the etiquette on thank you notes, I once read that sending a thank you via-e-mail is not appropriate, is this true?

Good question and one I bet others have wondered about.

I am of the opinion that the effort you put into something shows your level of sincerity and in the case of thank you notes, gratitude. It all depends on the situation and the relationship you have or plan to have with the person you are thanking.

For example, when a new client signs a contract with me, they get a personally written and addressed thank you note via old fashioned snail mail. Yes, I could send my thank you by e-mail - I am in the technology business after all and that would make sense. But would that reflect my sincere gratitude as much as taking the time to purchase the card, write my note and address the envelope, pay the postage and send it off? Probably not…

Sometimes a short e-mail saying “thank you” may be appropriate but clearly there are times when only a handwritten and addressed card will do.

Red Means Red

Several times each day I get e-mails through my E-mail Etiquette Web site asking what a sender meant by having only certain text in their e-mail purposely changed to red.

Red is an aggressive color. The term “seeing red” means that someone is mad or so upset that they are seeing red. Not too much is different online when it comes to communicating with the written word.

If in a business letter if you changed only certain words or sentences to red, what would that mean? It would mean you are making a strong point. It would mean you are adding a robust emphasis to those particular terms or sentences. Same goes for e-mail.

And, when you use red, you leave the level of emphasis up to the person on the other side to decide the level of emphasis you may have meant.

Use our wonderful vocabulary to communicate what you mean, your anger or your emphasis. Turning selected text into red is the easy way out and risky at best.

When to Use RR (Return Receipt)

This morning I had an e-mail from a business guy asking about how and when one should use Return Receipts (RR) due one of his associates making this request with every single e-mail that they sent.

Return receipts are a way of knowing that an e-mail has been opened on the recipient’s computer. It does not however, mean the opened e-mail has been read.. Do you have someone in your life who has this feature on for every single e-mail? I’ve found those are the folks that seem to want to know when you receive their e-mail even if the content is not critical or important - sorta a control thing.

Or, it could be your friend or associate does not even know they have this option selected. Maybe nicely e-mailing them with a “Did you know…..?” letting them know this is not a feature to be used for every single casual e-mail can help to inform them.

The recipient should have the privacy to determine when/if they want to read an e-mail and reply to it. RRs should be reserved for those instances where it is critical to knowing the e-mail was received/opened. Such instances would include legal and important business issues.

It is important to know that some e-mail programs allow the recipient to decline the sending of an RR. I know when I receive RR requests, for the majority, I immediately decline. None of anyone’s bee’s wax when I opened any particular e-mail. That said, when it is an important matter and I can understand why there is an RR requested I go ahead and give my approval.

I use RR for legal issues and important company matters where I want to have some sort of proof or trail to document that an e-mail was sent and subsequently opened. I’ve never found a reason to use RRs with personal e-mails to friends or family. To send an RR request for every day-to-day e-mail, especially personal e-mail, is simply not necessary.

Providing Photos and Personal Information

A site visitor writes:

In informal communications through a game message board I frequent, a man I helped in another country with some of the questions he posted replied to me to thank me and then he asked about my age(!) and for a photo of me.

I said I was glad to help and that I was fifteen. Two days have passed since and I don’t know what’s the appropriate way to handle this and I would feel rather uncomfortable giving out photos. But I feel I have to reply to him rather than let the messages “grow old” and let him assume I am not interested, I don’t care e.t.c.

Could you please help me out in this situation? I don’t of course want you to write the e-mail for me, but some advice to point me into the right direction would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much for your attention and your time.

I am so glad you wrote me about this very important issue!

Do not send him a picture and do not communicate further with him. To get questions like that makes me believe his motives are questionable especially when asked of someone under the age of 18. There is no need to know your age or have a picture of you for forum support. Let the e-mails grow older - better yet delete them and don’t respond at all. You shouldn’t feel you have to reply to everyone who e-mails you.

Let me play devil’s advocate here… Why would you be interested or care? These are odd questions that usually are asked only after much longer communications and where time and consistency have built some level of trust. Being you don’t know this person or cannot prove if they are in another country or the next block over from your house, you need to be very careful with your trust and information - on or off-line.

You sound like a great person and don’t need friends like this. And, unless he posts publicly to the forum again, you are under no obligation to have to reply to his unasked for personal questions via private e-mail. In response to future similar request, let the person know that you do not provide your photo or personal information to strangers and that if he needs further assistance with the game to use the forum as a way to get the support he needs.

The one thing I have learned in my over 10 years of being online is that you cannot trust or believe folks you do not know- no matter how nice or sincere they may seem. Never give out your age or any personal information to anyone online. They don’t need to know any of that to discuss games, ideas or have conversations with you. And, if they get upset when you don’t want to provide a photo or more information, that is a clue to just delete any future e-mails and make your parents and/or ISP aware of the situation.

Next Page »