How to Deal with Rude Texts, Emails, and DMs

Have you noticed that less-than-courteous and sometimes crass emails are on the rise? No matter the platform, you may have seen online communications that appear less civil. So, with that, it’s not surprising that we get emails and texts that blurt out demands or questions without the courtesy of a decent subject field or a thank you afterward.

Emails with questions or text requests demand a reply. “Respond ASAP!”

What to do…

Manners Matter Online, Too

Could it be because manners are at an all-time low offline? Combine this with people not learning the power of the written word or the skills to communicate clearly, and you have a volatile combination when you do not know how to reflect the appropriate tone and intent.

Two assumptions contribute to this scenario. The first is that anything goes online. There are no rules; you can do what you want, period, and you shouldn’t try to tell anyone differently.

Secondly, and a significant contributor, is the belief that there is no good reason (even if there is one) for anyone not to say what they want when they want (freedom of speech). Fine, then know that when you tap out some uninformed crudeness and hit Send, consideration for others’ feelings and opinions is not reflected. We will take note.

It’s funny how if you know anything about history, you’d realize that the written word was something people used to work at being good at. No phones, no texts, no emails. Just the written word. Words and how you use them create meaning. Now, it is a lost art.

Power of Anonymity

Many are pretty bold in the anonymity being behind this screen offers them. Some fly off the handle without reading an entire website, article, thread, or email and often pick out parts to create a manifesto of opposition without looking at the big picture of the topic at hand.

Uninformed onliners lacking attention to detail do not hesitate to spew their self-important opinions, many of which are not based on fact or reality. You can’t help those who are not critical thinkers; avoid them, and if they communicate with you, take the high ground and walk away.

Misunderstandings occur, business is lost, and feelings are hurt—all because people do not take the time to communicate appropriately, choose words carefully, and integrate courtesy and clarity.

Don’t React in Kind

What do you do when you receive an email, text, or DM with an accusatory or rude tone? I used to think that responding was the thing to do because I realized that most people don’t know how they may “sound.” Sadly, more often, they just don’t care.

Unfortunately, we will have to deal with these “personalities” at some point—probably more than we prefer. So, here are some thoughts to help you decide whether and how to handle rude or nasty emails, texts, or DMs.

First and most importantly:

If you receive a threatening communication…

Know that threatening communications are against the TOS (Terms of Service) of all ISPs, hosting providers, and platforms. Check each website for specific contacts and procedures to file your concerns. You can start by emailing a copy of the threat to ab***@XX***.com. Take a screenshot and keep the email or message on file if you need to refer to it or provide additional copies later.

When you receive an email that is just plain rude…

Consider whether there is any constructive reason to respond—you don’t have to, especially if the tone or content is over the top. When the tone is so bad that your blood pressure rises, wait until the following day, at the very least, to consider whether you need to respond.

Don’t let your ego dictate that you snap back when faced with incorrect accusations or personal digs, particularly from someone who doesn’t know you. There is no need to lower yourself to their level by responding in kind (and that’s what the other side wants.) You are better than that.

Block Away!

When it is clear that there is no benefit to continuing open communications, look into any available options to block that person via IP, email address, or number.

If someone emails you because they are misinformed…

Or if they did not take the time to read the information on your website or a post or possibly could have made an honest mistake, “kill” them with kindness. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Most truly do not know how they are perceived by their lack of email communication skills. Nor do they expect you to take their wording literally.

All too often, you’ll hear, “I didn’t mean it that way.” Well, if you type it, you’d better mean it. We will take you at your word.

They do not realize the power of their words…

And the tone they are setting. Some simply don’t care.

Gently point out the information to correct the issue. Or point them to the area on your website or elsewhere with the information they seek without personalizing the issue.

Thank them for contacting you, sign off politely, and hold your head high. Know that you just provided a rare level of courtesy online. You may even be surprised when that same Netizen sends you a thank-you email.

That being said, you can do nothing with some folks to sway them. You can be correct, courteous, and precise, and it won’t matter. They simply will not admit to being rude, misinformed, or plain old wrong. Don’t take it personally; instead, feel sorry for anyone with a closed mind and move on.

Responses are Not Mandatory

Because you have a website, are visible on online platforms, or are available via email in no way demands that you have the responsibility to respond. Especially to those who do not communicate with you respectfully and courteously.

Those who do not communicate with courtesy and knowledge are most likely people we would not care to form a relationship with or do business with anyway. So, don’t let worrying about losing that online “friend” or business “lead” cause you to lower your standards regarding how you want to be treated.

Delete and Move On

I receive an above-average number of emails each day. Most are positive, and many are simply outstanding. They are written by great people who have visited one of my sites and asked for my assistance or advice—or just to say “Thank you!”

However, for those increasing number of folks who think they can just email and make accusations, demands, or requests without a hint of courtesy or consideration, they won’t hear from me. DELETE.